B&B Readers on Womanhood
Happy last Sunday of Women’s History Month! I am so glad we’ve gotten to celebrate all things womanhood together this month, I’ve so enjoyed your company. This month, I asked some of my female readers some questions about womanhood, here are their answers.
When do you feel like you became a "woman"? Can you pinpoint that moment? Did it happen over the course of a few years?
I think I became fully a woman when I learned how to stand up for myself and what I wanted. When I got to college I was very timid and such a pushover. Over time I learned how to be true to my soul and what I truly wanted. I fully feel like a woman when I am confident, intelligent, and strong.
I don’t think there was one moment, I think I just started to use the word to describe myself one day and have continued to use it. I often associate the word “woman” with “adult” but still don’t really consider myself to be an adult, which complicates my feelings about the word.
Back in “the day” when you started your period, your Mom told you that you had become a woman. I truly felt like a woman when I gave birth to my children. It is an accomplishment that only women can have, and until you have it you can’t understand what I mean by this statement.
I felt like I became a woman the summer before and during senior year of high school and it felt like I needed to grow up and had so many experiences like prom, graduation, and senior pictures.
I think I became a woman in college! When I had the chance to start building a life for myself outside of what I grew up in, I recognized my values and used them to guide myself through 4 years on my own. I found out who I am and who I want to be, and figured out what is a priority in my life. Huge coming-of-age moment for me!
What advice would you give a girl coming into her womanhood?
Allow yourself to feel in all spaces. It’s ok to cry in public, it’s ok to laugh in public. Never apologize for being yourself or taking up space. Those who fear your confidence and independence will never understand you, so don’t waste your time trying to explain yourself to them.
You’re not going to get along with every other woman, and that’s okay, but you should always protect them. We have to look out for one another and stick together.
Embrace it. Every change, every emotion and grow with and from it. It is ever evolving also.
Don’t be afraid to be yourself! people are going to be so mean but stay true to your values
To trust her gut!
Advice? From me? Put yourself first. At the end of the day, you have to look at yourself in the mirror and reflect on the woman staring back at you. I hope you are proud of her!
When do you feel most in touch with your femininity?
I feel the most in touch with my femininity when I feel beautiful, intelligent, or strong. For a good majority of my adult years, I have been lifting weights. In past years, I have desired to become extremely strong and obtain what some would not consider a “feminine body”. But I think having lean muscle made me feel so in touch with my femininity. Women are the strongest beings, Beyoncé once said “strong enough to bear the children, and get back to business”. Women can grow a child, birth it, feed it, care for it, and look fucking sexy while doing it. I don’t think there is anything unfeminine about a muscular body, I think it’s so feminine. The world just hates to see what women are on the inside on the outside, which is stronger than a man could ever be.
When I am surrounded by my female friends, specifically in the moments where I feel almost overwhelmed by how grateful I am for them and the love I feel for them. True female friendships are so beautiful and the moments where I am able to truly soak up that feeling make me so grateful to be a woman who gets to have that experience.
Different times. As simple as getting a haircut, nails done or while on a romantic dinner with my husband. Sometimes while surrounded by women friends while bonding together.
When I am embracing my feminine style or having a heart-to-heart with my girlfriends to remind me of the beauty that genuine female friendship
When I’m dressed up with a full face. I’m a BADDIE!
I feel most in touch with my femininity when I am with my female friends. I don’t care if we are parked on the couch chatting or running errands with a bev in hand, my gal pals always remind me how epic it is to be a woman! I also feel this way whenever I am practicing self care, because nothing makes me feel more like a woman than an everything shower or a perfected makeup routine!!!
What is your favorite story with your girlfriends?
I don’t think I have a favorite story, I just love every memory where we roll over with laughter. The joy and love is too overwhelming, we have to have a physical reaction. Many times I have fallen to the ground laughing with friends. No other reaction would truly encapsulate the pure joy that was coming from me.
Driving around and blasting music and just talking with my hometown best friends. from college, there was a night before my friends and I went out, and we started blasting one of our favorite songs and we started screaming and sticking our heads out the windows and sunroof of the car
There are several different groups of girlfriends, so different stories for each, but I will just mention one and only the subject matter. The time we made a fellow girlfriend a May Queen at a Berwyn bar.
One of my favorite stories with my girlfriends has got to be any part of celebrating Beth’s 21st birthday for an entire weekend. Longest weekend of my life but I would do it over again if I could!
What is the best piece of advice you’ve been given by another woman?
My friend once told me “Let Them”. Many times I don’t allow things to pass over me, I sit with them for too long. I need to let it go, let go, and let God.
When dating seriously, be sure to pay attention to that person’s family foundation. It will participate in your future together.
If men are going to treat you differently because you’re a woman, use it to your advantage.
Change your thinking, change your life.
Don’t let them get to you!!!
My therapist once told me that when you choose to have sex for the first time, you're not losing something, you're choosing something. I think all women need this reminder! Also, every single woman in my life lives by the “who cares” mantra, which is super awesome. At the end of the day, who cares!
What is your biggest accomplishment? How did you accomplish it?
My education. I have always been an average student throughout middle school and high school. When I got into my dream school with a scholarship, I felt so damn accomplished. I had worked my ass off for that acceptance letter and I was going to make every moment of the opportunity I was given worth it. I am constantly working and furthering my learning to make sure I cherish the opportunity and accomplishment of my education.
Traveling by myself! I’ve done it for school, work, and vacation, domestically and internationally, and while it can be scary I have learned so much about the world and myself in the process. It was partially luck, finding myself in situations where I was presented with the opportunities but also a lot of hard work and required me to push myself out of my comfort zone.
Finally seeing that you successfully raised your children. You don’t know it until your children reach adulthood and you reap the benefits of your actions when you see the adults they become. Besides that, I may still be working on my other greatest accomplishments.
My biggest accomplishment is my mental health. I work at it every single day! I am proud of creating an inner circle full of people who better it. I'm proud that I have a job that I love and look forward to going to, which makes every day exciting. I am proud to have a college education, which has allowed me the opportunities I have had to build my confidence. I am proud of my relationship with my family and the time I spend with them! Everything I do and care about is to improve my mental health!
Who is a woman you admire? Why do you admire her?
I admire my aunt for a multitude of reasons. She is fiercely protective and loyal and has always looked out for me. She is dependable and hardworking and has been incredibly successful in her professional life. She makes time for her family when she’s needed and goes out of her way to provide my cousins and me with as many exciting and educational experiences as she can. I have traveled with her, taken cooking and painting classes, attended live shows and concerts, and more with her. I most admire that she knows exactly what her priorities are and has done all she can to make sure I am able to make those same decisions for myself.
I admire my grandmother. She is the daughter of a German immigrant and never learned her native language or traditions. What we do as a family is all the things she has collected over the years from books, travels, or faint memories. Not only has she built my background and family, but even in her old age, she is a badass. She is strong her in beliefs, strong in her will to get shit done, and will never let a man tell her no. I aspire to be a strong woman like her one day.
It was one of my volunteers who I worked with in hospice years ago. She had so much Grace she exuded it. Everyone could feel it. She was one of my most favorite people I have ever met and in honor of her, I gave my daughter her name as her middle name.
I admire my mom for providing for me and my family. It’s always incredible to see what people will prioritize and give up for others in our one life.
My grandma- she has lived such a life and accomplished so much while doing it flawlessly
A woman I admire? The author and artist behind this blog. The Cancer to my Virgo. My better half! Beth Xanthopoulos is the epitome of what it means to be a strong woman. I joke that I would trust her with my life, but I mean it. She is the blueprint for the word icon, a perfect example of a good friend. She inspires me in so many ways it's hard to find the words, but if you know her like I do, I know you get what I mean. Not to mention that she is also the funniest person I know. Nobody makes me feel more at home than she does! I know that in every lifetime, we will find each other. If you told 16-year-old us that we would be where we are now, they would not believe you! Beth, I am so grateful to be living in the same universe as you, my life wouldn't be the same without you <3 (This is Beth- yes, I’m crying)
How would you describe the women in your life? How would they describe you?
The women in my life are uplifting, creative, generous, and warm. They are honest, intelligent, ambitious, and funny. They give tough love when it’s needed and are a shoulder to cry on when life gets hard. They are also my biggest cheerleaders and fiercest protectors. Each of them has taught me invaluable life lessons and I like to think that they would describe me in a similar way.
Strong, kind, compassionate, intelligent, and funny/fun-loving. I think they would say the same about me with a couple of them adding a bit of a stubborn streak in there too!
So strong. they are the backbones of their families and friends. I hope they would describe me as strong too
I would describe the women in my life as funny, smart, and caring. I surround myself with people who want the best for me and have my best interests in mind, and I find them all to be perfect in my eyes! The women in my life would probably say the same about me, heavy on the funny though (fingers crossed)
What are your hopes for the next generation of women?
That they get to unapologetically enjoy being a woman. So much of what women stereotypically enjoy is looked down on and considered juvenile or silly. Women are either too girly or not girly enough. No matter what you do, someone is telling you that you should actually be doing it differently. I hope future women see that to be a woman you just have to be a woman. They should do what makes them happy and ignore people telling them to do something different. Don’t apologize for who you are just because you’re not someone else’s cup of tea.
That they keep the power that I have found. they continue to fight for change and they get the rights that all of has have deserved
That they kick ass and never stop. Never let go of their independence and self-worth.
To continue to advocate for independence and equal rights
I hope that the next generation of women has access to everything they need to survive, including but not limited to a solid group of girlfriends who have their back! Every woman should have a support system around them to lean on when they need it. To me, that is so necessary! Oh, and abortions too!
That they never let anyone put them in a box. If they are to hear “you can’t do ___” I hope they make it their goal to do just that and do it so damn good. I hope they are courageous and observant, strong and soft, loving and merciless.
Thank you so much to the readers who participated this month, I loved reading all of your answers and can’t wait to collaborate again sometime soon. Though the month is over, I’m going to keep celebrating women by listening to female artists, supporting female-owned businesses, and, as always, tapping into my own divine feminine energy.
Ladies, I love you, I mean it!
Write you soon,
Beth
